Britain’s loyal army of homeless citizens are overjoyed with the new portrait of Iain Duncan Smith. They are coordinating a campaign to have a shrine set up in every town.
The Foodbankers, as they wish to be known, believe this to be their positive contribution to Brexit. Every pedestrianised shopping centre will have a shrine.
“Each shrine will have similar construction,” claimed coordinator Doggone String. “A base of empty tins of processed peas past their sell-by date. On top, an altar of fried chicken cartons. Finally, a photo of the portrait of IDS torn from the Metro. All weighed down with the foreign coins the public throw at us to be funny.”
String mentioned that he was attempting to have the shrines registered as places of worship. This has a dual purpose. It prevents councils from clearing then away, and gives the scroungers the right to hang about legitimately in a nice warm, dry shopping centre.
Local councillor Tori Privilege was curiously supportive. “It gives these wasters a purpose,” she preached. “They show true British enterprise. We will close the food banks to encourage their transition. Hunger is a great motivator!”
Irritable Duncan Syndrome was feeling very smug, just for a change. “I am delighted to have become so popular!” he slimed. “I am thinking of writing to the Pope to request immediate canonisation.”
The patron saint of bald ambition couldn’t resist a tacky Brexit comment. “The Foodbankers are growing in number, which is a credit to the spirit of the British people,” he oozed. “Looking after one’s community is a clear Brexit dividend!”
IDS explained that he was due to speak to a rally of about 5000 of his loyal fans. He intends to show generosity by taking two tins of sardines and five pitta breads. “That should be more than enough to feed them!” he squelched.
Give a man the Spirit of the British people, and he will never hunger again.