TASTY BUSINESS : Boris Johnson MP (not especially PM) is on the way to a new home underground in the desert after a dung beetle made a successful lost property claim.
”It’s incredibly reckless,” Professor Wish Thought told LCD Views, “quite how the dung beetle expects to drag the bubbly, blonde haired improv artist of British politics into its home is anyone’s guess. I expect considerable damage to the carefully crafted, subterranean dwelling. The oxygen supply will be threatened just for a start as Mr Johnson is currently operating at the level of one big oxygen thief.”
But presumably the staff at the Home Office wouldn’t have processed the dung beetle’s claim if it wasn’t valid?
”Oh, the claim by the dung beetle certainly appears in order,” Professor Wish advised, “it says it lost Mr Johnson on a night out while he was just a small turd, and he just kept rolling about unguided in chumocracy crap and is now of course the mountain we see in operation daily.”
How are the staff at The Telegraph taking the news?
”Shrug is the most prevalent emotion,” Professor Wish, “although none of them can match the hollers and hoots of joy being heard from 10 Downing Street.”
LCD Views commends the timely actions of the dung beetle in reclaiming the giant, mobile ball of bullshit it lost and expects governance of the United Kingdom to improve as a result.
More beetles are being sought to claim other senior members of British politics, to remove them from positions of responsibility and roll them away unharmed to a new life in obscurity. Claims will be processed any time for the day or night.