Great news today for fans of rebranding exercises with the announcement that 10 Downing Street has been renamed ‘the city of the dead’ to honour all the skeletons now tumbling out of the Tory closet.
“It was actually my idea before they dumped me out of the back of a van on the M4 last year,” N Timothy Twat told LCD Views, “pretty much everything the government does is my idea. It’s why it’s all genius.”
In order to help people better understand the change the 10 Downing Street gift shop is to start selling postcards with desert and stone themes for less than the alleged price of a brown paper bag containing a bribe to avoid being investigated by tax officials.
“They need to get some camels on the street quickly,” N Timothy Twat said, “and maybe a day of the dead theme carnival dance, which will be a good way of getting past all the skeletons that are tumbling out of the closet. Show everyone how much we embrace the errors the previous government made and how we are fixing what Labour broke between 2010-2016. I’d also like to focus more on hanging things onto our junior colleagues in government during the coalition years. Momentum people salivate at that because they’re so terrified people will fact check and vote Libdem. You can see what an unrestrained, eyeball gouging, human hating mess government was until 2015 now.”
Other measures to best make advantage of the skeletons that are so numerous now in the closet of the prime minister and her colleagues is to invite school groups into 10 Downing Street to play.
“Play with the skeletons,” N Timothy Twat says, “sardines anyone? Go on squeeze in. Just mind the broken femurs, they can be a bit pointy when you’re trying to make room for a money laundering scandal on top of a racist immigration policy, the kind of which national socialists of the 1930’s would have been proud to applaud.”