Yoga classes oversubscribed as so many people want to stick their head up their own bottom

Exercise is good for you, so they say. In the pressure cooker that is the 21st Century, more and more people are turning to yoga as a way to unwind.

Exercise, flexercise. Yoga helps to develop suppleness. And there has been a massive uptake from people needing that increased flexibility. To preserve themselves from reality, many yoga converts want to be able to disappear up their own backsides.

LCD’s Impractical Solutions correspondent spoke to yoga instructor Misty Cattitude for a greater insight.

“It’s all about getting back to fundamentals,” Cattitude explained. “People want to escape from reality and responsibility, and find inner peace. Quite literally!”

Everyone needs to take a break from the relentless pace of modern life, we suggested.

“That’s right,” she confirmed. “We have also seen a massive increase in applications from Leave voters. Brexit has hit them hard. But they would rather gouge out their eyes than admit they were wrong.”

So why do they want to do yoga?

“It clears the mind,” Cattitude explained. “But still, most of them want to pretend it isn’t all happening. They don’t want to take the blame for the unicorn shortage, the foodbanks or Nigel Farage. This requires a high degree of flexibility.”

So how do you manage to make them flexible enough to stick their heads up their bottoms?

“It’s all to do with the spine,” she said. “Individual vertebrae have to be loose and there needs to be plenty of play in the joints. Luckily, the people who come to us tend to have very little backbone!”

It sounds extremely difficult, not to say painful…

“The insertion is the most advanced part,” Cattitude concluded. “You need to be a massive arsehole to pull it off, but they try very hard indeed. They are a very intense lot!”

You might almost say they are up their own arses.

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