Chris Grayling awards No Deal Brexit transport contract to Flybmi

No Deal Brexit preparations are proceeding according to plan. The plan in question may be better described by the phrase ‘No Plan’. And who better to deliver it than the dunce and future king, Chris Grayling?

The latest bright idea to emerge from the swamp between Grayling’s ears involves transportation of goods. Once the beloved No Deal happens, and the ports seize up (hurrah! Global Britain!), essentials will have to find alternative routes into the UK. Grayling proposes airlifting fresh produce from the EU. Contracts are being drawn up with British success story Flybmi.

After all, following in the wake of ferry companies with no boats, why not airlines with no planes?

Aviation expert Heath Rowe gave LCD Views his thoughts on the matter. “Small operators have a struggle on their hands,” he explained. “To survive, they generally have to offer something uniquely desirable, or come under the umbrella of a larger, more successful organisation. Otherwise they tend to go tits up. It’s the Brexit business model.”

But I thought we were talking about a success story?

“In Chris Grayling’s head it probably is,” said Rowe. “Just like Brexit. No, Flybmi has just gone bust, leaving plucky Brits stranded in the wicked EU. We can only hope that hundreds of volunteers with tiny aircraft of their own will effect a rescue.”

So Grayling’s plan is just a poorly executed ruse to trick The People into thinking he is looking after them, with a gratuitous reference to the Dunkirk Spirit thrown in for good measure?

“Yes,” replied Rowe. “Even giving Flybmi an alleged £14m sweetener didn’t help, although I gather Flybmi”s boss has just purchased another yacht.”

BMI’s other niche venture, bmibaby, has also vanished from the stratosphere. From having a high BMI, it has slimmed down to nothing.

Something’s in the air. Unfortunately it isn’t Flybmi.

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