LCD Views is pleased to trumpet today that the dominant species of predatory dinosaur in the UK’s Spinocene period has big news.
”This new agreement, reached overnight with the comet hurtling towards our world, ensures a legally binding change to our extinctions agreement,” the dinosaur said,
“I unsheathed my talons, I bared my six inch, dagger like teeth and I wore a power chain, then I said, Mr Comet, I am just going to keep coming back and back until you agree something that can be spun as an incremental change to your trajectory. In this I can claim complete success. And I expect the other dinosaurs to back it.”
The change, which is described as world changing by the dinosaur itself, commits the comet to attempt really, really hard not to smash into the dinosaur’s world and blow most of it to smithereens, vaporise what isn’t blown apart and choke the rest in a nuclear winter style climate that will see asset stripping alpha predators feeding off the carcasses of the first to perish, before they turn to rending each other to shreds for a meal.
Whatever agreement is reached this will be the outcome, so reach whatever agreement you want as this is the outcome by design by those who are making a song and dance of reaching an agreement.
”Many smaller dinosaurs make the mistake of thinking we are negotiating with a collection of largely herbivorous, slow moving, plant munching, long tailed sauruses of various kinds in order to still be able to feed after the collision event,” the dinosaur clarified for those who are confused by headlines in the Tyrannosaurus Gazette, but this is not the case,
”we are negotiating with fate itself, with a heavenly body of cataclysmic power versus our world as it is today. A massive ball of ice and rock hurtling through space on a collision course we can not possibly understand until after it hits us all in the face. So long as I get to stop other dinosaurs going where they like I will be satisfied. Extinction event means extinction event, and we’re going to make a success of it.”