The Telegraph admits it’s now a joke paper

LCD Views can report today on a finding against a lesser known perhaps, and certainly less factual publication than our own, The Telegraph.

The news concerns how the press complaints authority, WTF, has found against it as a result of some propagandising bollocks written while half awake by Bojo, that the right wing rag foolishly printed.

”It’s long been understood that any of the numerous satirical publications available digitally contain more factual information than a right wing waste of good trees,” the finding read, “and it’s no surprise that The Telegraph, by paying Boris Johnson an eye watering sum to construct one word salad a week, was going to come unstuck.”

In an unusual move for the press regular it then included a link to Charlie Chaplin’s climatic speech from the climax of ‘The Dictator’, which we have also included in our robust report :

The finding said the speech was included as both a tonic and a warning to the self-serving aspirations of casual columnists like Mr Johnson, who have no qualms about using dog whistle racism to further their personal aims.

”Furthermore, we would like to ask how Mr Johnson, already a full time employee of the people, can justify such lucrative additional roles, especially when they appear designed solely to advance his own career, presumably the interests of his paymasters, and God only knows who else offshore? Are these the actions we expect of our elected representatives? And maybe it would be better if all additional incomes where forfeited while in office? And lying MPs removed?”

The newspaper said the following in its defence :

Bojo’s column was “clearly comically polemical” and “could not be reasonably read as a serious, empirical, in-depth analysis of hard factual matters.”

That’s what they actually said, but it goes for anything Boris says.

LCD Views thinks these are good questions to ask. Furthermore, as The Telegraph is spaffing money up the wall of Mr Johnson just to smash out nonsense, as confessed by the paper itself, perhaps they’d like to consider paying us to do it for half the price?

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