‘Brexit Sutra : a guide to screwing yourself, hard’ released by Going Solo publishers

CAN YOU FEEL IT : LCD Views in partnership with Going Solo publishers are pleased to announce the release of ‘Brexit Sutra : a guide to screwing yourself hard’.

”We’ve taken inspiration from the classic guides to sexual intercourse, such as the Kama Sutra, but tailored the new work for people who just want to fuck themselves,” Creative Director on the project, Ms A Widdecombe says, “even where some images appear to depict two individuals, there’s not, there’s just one person in front of a mirror. You can talk dirty to your reflection as much as you like and God won’t judge you. As long as you do it alone, in the dark and feel ashamed after.”

There’s also instructions for how to download the playlist that accompanies the guide into your Spotify.

”It’s a very horny song list,” Ms Widdecombe explains, “essentially we’ve taken Tom Jones and Barry White songs and covered them in the manner of Crazy Frog. It’ll get your juices flowing in a certain direction.”

The guide takes such famous joint pursuits as 69 and gives them a Brexit twist.

”Brexiters already have their heads firmly inside their backsides, so that’s close enough to a 69,” the creative director explains, “although personally I’d brush your teeth afterwards.”

The book has an accessible retail price too.

”It’ll only cost you your share of £66bn, oh, and your entire country.”

And the Brexit Sutra is in no rush for you to finish and douche.

”There’s plenty of tips for extending any session of screwing yourself senseless,” Ann grins, “because the step by step how to’s are absolute fantasy. You’ll have to keep extending the effort because finding the end state of perfect bliss will remain illusory.”

But there is one new position included.

”It’s called the unicorn,” Ann says, “you strap an ice cream cone on your head and punch yourself in the butt. It’s my personal favourite.”

Follow up editions are planned.

”We’ll be adding complimentary volumes on how to get completely shafted by the US and China on trade talks. But we’ll be coaching you in sadomasochism, so it feels enjoyable, even if you’re left feeling empty inside.”

Brexit Sutra, can you feel it? It’s that empty feeling inside.

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