CHANGE OF MIND : The Conservative Party has responded today to news that thousands of their members were given multiple ballot papers for the Tory leadership coronation of Boris Johnson.
Speaking to Marred (terminally) on the BBC this morning, Tory Party Chairman, Lord Offshore, explained the unique voting system.
“It’s a stitch up,” he shrugged, “I mean if it looks like a duck, if it walks like a duck and if it rambles incoherently in Etonian, it’s a duck.”
He also said, when pushed by more polite, deferential, leading questions from the interviewer, that just because the result of the vote has been pre-ordained, doesn’t make it illegitimate, if you say it is legitimate.
“Some members can afford more than one ballot paper, so they have been supplied with more,” he shrugged, “anyway, we’ve lost all ability to not rig a vote, since endorsing the criminally procured mandate to enrich a few of us in mid 2016.”
But the multiple ballots have caused a crunch in supply of bananas in the supermarkets.
“We have to get the voting paper from the right source. Banana skin is the best for this kind of thing. But let no one claim the abandoning of all pretence to defending rule of law means the UK is now a banana republic. It remains a monarchy. We just have to decide what kind of fruit monarchy it is. I suggest a proper, traditional, homegrown, indigenous British fruit, such as the pineapple.”
And in case anyone was still unconvinced by the conduct of the leadership vote, Lord Offshore offered further reassurance.
“Some members may decide to change their mind after they vote. Say, if new information comes out. One of the contenders may offer an even greater unaffordable tax giveaway. Or perhaps a promise to end universal suffrage and means test it instead. If that causes a member to change their mind, then they have that ability. It’s how a democracy succeeds.”
To underline this he added :
“If a democracy can’t change its mind, it ceases to be a democracy.”
Who will you vote for? Remember to do it twice.
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/how-to-rig-an-election/id1458750622?i=1000437000623
- the inclusion of the podcast is not intended to suggest the Tory leadership election is corrupt. I’m sure they’ll have a full and proper inquiry into what went wrong, just like with the corruption in the EU referendum of 2016, and then act according to defend our democracy and ensure it is beyond reproach…But the screw up with voting papers brought the podcast to mind.