THOROUGHBRED NO SENSE : The UK’s last prime minister, unless Tory rebels actually rebel, Boris Johnson, has said today that he will replace the serving U.K. ambassador to the US with a very small horse.
Speaking at a private function, so the rumour goes, he is said to have made the completely unverified promise.
”A Falabella,” Mr Johnson announced, “an animal fitting in stature to the change in U.K. standing that myself and that other untamed stallion, Brexit, have foisted upon the U.K.”
It’s believed under the scheme, details of which are still being fleshed out, that the tiny pony will be able to live comfortably on the lawn outside the White House. Conveniently positioned for touching photo shoots with Ivanka.
But critics of the wheeze have pointed out that while charming, a miniature pony won’t be able to accurately assess and relate the dynamics of Trumpistan’s administration.
”That’s entirely the point,” a spokesman for a US dark money funded ‘charity’ – Civil Society Pays for Itself by Magic – clarified, “all the real diplomatic work will be carried out via my US billionaire bankrolled colleagues at 55 Tufton Street. The ambassador will be a symbolic post. Although personally I would have chosen a poodle.”
Whether or not Mr Trump will attempt to ride the pony is open to speculation, although it’s believed it should be safe if they don’t pick one with a blonde mane.
”Trump can just open the window and shout at it,” the spokesman added, “which is how the U.K. will be governed post Brexit. Directly.”
Mr Johnson is thought to personally favour the ploy as it should sufficiently distract the people while their will is being directed for Mr Johnson from the White House, and instantaneously via outbursts on Twitter.
And for his part Jeremy Hunt has confirmed, in the unlikely event he becomes PM instead, he will replace the Ambassador with a moral vacancy, ie, he’ll do the job personally.