STRONG AND STABLE GOVERNMENT : Eye steaming pleasing news today from Whitehall that the UK’s Civil Service is to be replaced by a recording of applause at the word “Brexit”.
”We’ve had it specially recorded by a lackey of Trump’s across the pond,” ERG member and total useful idiot, Jacile Reeks-pond, MP for Carpet-on-bag, told LCD Views.
The recording, which is available on cassette tape and beeswax, will be duplicated and placed in all rooms previously occupied by those traitors that didn’t believe in Brexit enough.
”It will help make a success of Brexit,” the useless idiot MP declared, “because it really believes. Nothing is worth saving if we get to fully apply our ideas to the society. Starve the idiots who didn’t choose a good accident of birth. Deregulate the entire show. Get rid of tax. That’s the recipe for success in the new reich.”
But while the revolution in how the civil service serves will clearly save the exchequer billions and squillions, there have been critics.
”Why just one man clapping?” a thought criminal asked, “why not a mass crowd dressed in a variety of cross like symbols chanting and clapping together? This is a missed opportunity.”
That said, and ignored, it will make diplomatic cables about foreign powers much easier.
”Just applause. Good, old fashioned sycophantic, reality denying applause.”
The recording will also be available to download on all smart phones, laptops and desktops as a vinyl print, because it’s Brexit.
”If you listen really closely to the recording you can actually hear Donald Trump tweeting orders to Britain’s next prime minister in the background. Because that’s how we run our country now.”
Into the ground. For the benefit of overseas interests. Global Britain. Believe in it. Or you’ll be replaced by a recording of a man clapping, which may make paying your mortgage more difficult.