SHOPPED : Johnson’s big red bus in for repairs after running over UK ambassador

ROOTED ROUTE MASTER : Boris Johnson’s famous bus is rumoured to be in for repairs today after its bumper was dented running over the UK ambassador to the USA.

“It’s just rumours,” a mechanic at the repair shop told LCD Views, “people are saying on social media it was Boris driving the bus, with pretend journalist, Oakshit, as the conductor, but it’s not confirmed. Whoever was driving the bumper is completely f*cked. But it seems likely Boris was a fellow traveller. When he was asked if it was right to drive right over the ambassador, to please Trump, and if he would pick him up and dust him down, he wouldn’t say yes.”

And it’s not just the bumper of the famous red bus.

“The paint work is all scratched up too. Partly that’s from running down, and then reversing back over, the UK ambassador to the USA. But it’s also because lots of Tory MPs keep coming down to the shop to key the bodywork.”

Why the bus decided to go after the UK Ambassador is clear at least.

“He was a thought criminal. He had to be purged,” the repair worker said, “I think that’s a very dangerous precedent. Between you and me, I get the feeling the Brexiters won’t be happy until they’ve completely dismantled all the pillars of a modern, representative democracy. Back to squabbling feudal barons with the little people just chaff. But that’s just my opinion.”

Attempts to confirm the rumours of who was driving the bus are underway. CCTV is being sought.

“It’ll save the country a lot of money in the end. Think of it as a Brexit dividend. Once we no longer govern ourselves we’ll save loads of money being run from the US. That’s the route that is being mastered by the Brexiters.”

All aboard!

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