When the chips are down, the fish must rise, according to Jeremy C. Hunt. This is what distinguishes a true leader from an also-ran.
The Tory leadership race is getting less and less exciting as it approaches its climax. There was a brief interlude when Hunt, if not exactly winning, was not exactly losing either, and the race briefly started to look interesting. Then Boris Johnson pulled a kipper out of a hat and that was that.
“I wish I had thought of that,” mused a downcast Hunt, to anybody still paying him attention in the name of balance. “I was closing the gap, well Boris was making a complete arse of himself as usual, and I was in with a sniff. If only I had waved a fish in the air at that point, the keys to Number Ten would be as good as mine!”
The future of the Conservative Party, the success (or otherwise) of Brexit, and the security of the UK all come down to this. Who has the imagination, the chutzpah, the sheer courage to wave a fish in the air?
“The British voting public have airways appreciated a fishy stunt,” carped commentator Rod Andlyne. “The fish slapping dance, for example. Michael Palin was pushed into Teddington Lock by the Hand of Cod. He fell off his perch, and now he’s a national treasure!”
Floundering a little, he continued. “Trout means trout!” he said, rising to the bait. “Boris is a big fish in a very small pond. Hunt is a minnow by comparison. The Tories have fallen for it, hook, line and sinker. Boris just needs to finish reeling them in. He’s having a whale of a time!”
Hunt’s stunt trouble has cost him dearly. He is clearly just a prawn on a very large chessboard. The Tory leadership race is a very fishy business.