OVER THE TOP MEN SOME OF YOU WILL SURVIVE : A leak from the Johnsonian-Cummings fortress of 10 Downing Street has revealed advanced plans to replace the famous inner London townhouse with something more suitable before Halloween 2019.
”That’s if we don’t bottle it on No Deal Brexit first,” an insider to the joint, unelected rulers of the UK revealed today, “which is highly likely. Bullies tend to retreat when it’s clear they’re gonna suffer.”
But if events spiral out of their country, a distinct possibility, and the UK crash into the rocks of No Deal, thus tearing up the majority of its connections with the 21st century at a stroke, the people responsible will not only need fall guys to blame.
”They’ll also need somewhere to hide and sharpish,” the insider said. “hence the decision by Cummings to replace 10 Downing Street with a big ROCK. No one will think to look underneath it. It’s fool proof.”
It’s believed various types of rock where tested for suitability.
”We tried rock music first. We approached KISS to stand out front and distract everyone with their famous tongues. But then that old dog Bojo tried to shag Gene’s leg in a display of dominance. So they just left.”
No wonder. What next?
”We tried Dwayne Johnson, but he just laughed us out of his office. He’s going to be busy filming the 957th Fast and Furious by October anyway.”
So you had to turn to naturally occurring objects of great size?
”That’s why we asked to hide out on Gibraltar. But they had a vote on it and decided by about 98% to tell us to get stuffed and take the medicine.”
So how did you get the boulder?
”It was easy in the end,” the insider reveals, “we just dismantled Stonehenge and took one of those boulders. Fittingly symbolic for what No Deal would do to the entire country.”