Zombie pack leader Dick Braine says you are what you eat

WHO CALLS THEIR SON RICHARD WHEN THEIR SURNAME IS BRAINE : The latest temporary leader of the English zombie plague UKIP, Richard Braine, has made his mark immediately by offering Britons dietary advice.

“You are what you eat and you only eat your surname,” said Dick Braine, in an apparently irony free bit of gammonsplaining, “I eat what’s in my name. Eating brains is the cornerstone of five a day. The rest is hippy snowflake nonsense designed to boost the Belgium vegetable industry to the detriment of the NATURAL BORNE BRITISH VEGETABLE GROWER!!,!!”

The advice was welcomed by the shrinking band of followers of the superseded outfit. Most of the former members of Dick’s zombie plague have been hit in the head with a shovel stamped “BXP” and started following the nicotine stained, serial death dodger who holds the shovel.

“If we can all eat enough braines and brains we can change the British political landscape forever,” he added, “mostly by only having a political landscape in England. And a Little England at that. I’ll personally see that as a victory as I continue my slide down the plughole of nostalgia into the comfort zone of obscurity and a misunderstood national history.”

The advice was presumably welcomed by the shrinking band of zombies still following Mr Braine’s UKIP undead pack. As to what the rest of us thought of it? We just decided to make fun of his name, to take it as a gift from a universe that hasn’t lost its sense of humour, and play with it.

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