We’re Finnished! EU trolls UK by giving Britain’s vote to Finland

Take Back Control! Finland will now vote on EU matters on behalf of Britain, after diplomats were ordered to skive off EU meetings. This is an epic piece of trolling by the EU, whose grasp of English is so much better than ours.

The Finns will be delighted. They will vote for the EU to have all the UK’s fish, so the Finns will have the fish, instead of the fish having fins. They will also block Boris Johnson’s personal escape plan, which is to grow a beard and masquerade as Santa Claus.

This rash decision by a rasher Prime Minister will bring home the bacon… if you are Finnish. It means that even if the UK suffers a sudden epidemic of common sense, our very British issues will become Very Finnish Problems.

LCD Views’ Beyond The Arctic Circle correspondent asked Foreign Secretary Dominic Raab for his thoughts. “Errm, hmm, ermm,” stated Raab confidently, the bead of sweat above the pulsing vein in his temple betraying his supreme control of the situation. “Yeah, whatever, umm, well, we have, yes, we have, err, promised to leave the EU, come or die, do what will, on October the thingy, so there, that’s the main thing, isn’t it?”

So that’s reassuring anyway.

The Finns have been granted Power of Attorney in the absence of the UK from the debating chambers. It is almost as if the EU has decided that the UK is no longer sufficiently in control of its faculties.

After all, who would want to be involved in one of the biggest trading blocs on the planet, right on their doorstep? A society for the mutual benefit of its members, and peace between nations? No thanks, we would rather throw in our lot with an unstable, unpredictable and frankly dangerous loon with a dodgy past and far too much fake tan. It’s much more fun that way.

The clock is ticking. It’s a race to start what we have Finnished.

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