TMS WILL BE BOOKED TO MAKE IT BEARABLE : Fantastic news today for English radio owners with the announcement of the unconfirmed and completely fabricated rumour that Geoffrey Boycott has been commissioned to provide commentary of No Deal Brexit economic collapse.
“We need someone old enough to remember when Shane Warne didn’t play cricket,” a Home Office official tasked with providing running commentary on a No Deal told LCD Views, “and vitally, given Brexiters’ love of referencing a war none of them fought in, we need someone who never faced Shane Warne to make the relevant comparisons.”
The commentary itself is aimed to be roaming and to be broadcast live wherever the action is.
“Clearly relating lorry back ups for miles at Dover will require the skill of someone who knows what to do with rhubarb,” the official advised, “and the ability to wait out day after day stubbornly refusing to budge until something moves.”
It’s hoped the listening public will supply cakes to the team as they broadcast.
“Seriously, get baking. And if you don’t have the necessary ingredients post No Deal, then improvise, just like English batsmen did faced with the prospect of having to come up with a duck when faced with a gogglie, or whatever it was that spun about them unexpectedly and got them out. Why go into bat against Warne anyway? There wasn’t any point. Just like a No Deal Brexit.”
Who else from the TMS team will get involved isn’t yet clear, with too many of them sounding too rooted in the modern world to qualify.
“We expect John Humphry’s will be happy to sit alongside Geoffrey as the much anticipated collapse of the economy commences. They’ll just play off one another. John’s delight at the end of the UK’s innings will marry well with Geoffrey’s scorn for a financial services industry who wouldn’t have a bloody clue what to do with sovereignty.”