DONALD TUSK TO USE BORIS JOHNSON AS A FOOTSTOOL : The anti-democratic toadstool currently pretending to a popular UK caretaker PM, Boris de Phaffle Johnson, is to meet with the UK’s preferred prime minister, Donald Tusk, today.
“The meeting is designed to waste time,” a caretaker PM aide told LCD Views, “you know, appear to be doing something, while in reality the caretaker is just trying to look busy while he runs down the clock until Halloween.”
It’s not clear what talking points Mr Johnson will take into the meeting, largely because they’ll just be superfluous.
“Mr Tusk already has Mr Johnson’s measure,” the aide shrugged, “it’s thought he’ll spend the majority of the meeting smiling in that knowingly amused way he has. Mr Johnson will try out some new stand up material in the hope of disarming Mr Tusk. Then he’ll move into ‘old chum’ mode and ask for Donald’s help to end parliamentary democracy in the UK for the enrichment of an international clique of sociopaths using Mr Johnson for their own ends.”
It’s thought though that both parties will avoid the subject of relative popularity in the UK. Latest opinion polling by NoGov has demonstrated an overwhelming desire in a large percentage of the electorate for Mr Tusk to takeover and govern. To head up the much touted government of national unity.
“We just hope Mr Tusk isn’t going to try and get one up on President Macron,” the aide worried, “he successfully tricked the big blonde boofhead to put his shoe on the Elysee furniture while flashing his bollocks. With dozens of digital cameras catching every heartbeat. Talk about outplayed.”
Mr Johnson’s team are right to be worried of course. Mr Tusk is more than capable of tricking Mr Johnson to get down on all fours by suggesting there’s a hot bit of posh blonde tail waiting under his chair.
“Then he’ll use Mr Johnson has a footstool,” the aide predicted, “which will be a too realistic example of what Johnson’s time as caretaker government will turn the UK into for the world’s big players if Mr Johnson isn’t replaced by an actual, proper prime minister soon.”