Search and rescue teams call off search for Boris Johnson’s ‘popular appeal’ saying it’s “sunk without trace”

MAKING A TITANIC SUCCESS OF PREMIERSHIP : Do you ever get that sinking feeling when you look in the mirror? That’s the question the UK’s Prime Minister is reported to have asked the woman he left his wife and children for this morning.

The search and rescue feelings operation is rumoured to have been triggered after an actual search and rescue team threw up their hands and called it off.

“They were looking for Boris Johnson’s popular appeal,” our Westminster insider confirms, “it’s so famous it is apparently visible from space, but no one has seen it for some time.”

It’s believed the unsinkable aspect of Mr Johnson’s character (using that term purely in the theatrical sense) first came into contact with reality when it ran aground a shallow reef called “Prorogue Rocks”.

“It then became further imperilled as the tidal chant of ‘Stop the Coup!’ began to rise, even as Mr Johnson attempted to lift it off the rocks.”

It’s believed he abandoned ship and scuttled to safety as the bows filled with churning waters and the ship began to list heavily, tearing open its hull across the jagged rocks as it did so.”

A decision to undertake a new rescue is being considered, but this is seen as the highly risky GE strategy, which could lead to complete and total loss for many.

“He’s got a rescue dog, believing it would help,” the insider added, “but it’s only good at sniffing out bullshit, so it’s just sat at Mr Johnson’s feet holding its nose.”

No memorial statue is planned.

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