Boris’ election slogan: Coalition of chaos with Corbyn, or glorious f*cking apocalypse with me

The UK has been offered a stark choice. Chaos or catastrophe. Unbelievably, the latter is the current favourite.

Crime Minister Boris Johnson, or more likely his de facto boss, Dominic “Winter Is” Cummings, has come up with a snappy slogan. Johnson has channelled the clumsy spirit of his predecessor, the piggy porcophile David Cameron.

“Do you want a coalition of chaos with Jeremy Corbyn, or a glorious, glorious fucking apocalypse with me?” Johnson asked, while denying that another election would ever take place while there was breath in his body.

It’s devil or deep blue sea. The People of Britain are buying it, too. Many would rather re-enact the destruction of Atlantis than contemplate having a lefty within 50 yards of Ten Downing Street.

For an election is surely coming, like winter and fuel shortages. The Get Ready For Brexit posters may as well say You’re Going To Have To Vote Again, Suckers.

Cautious citizens are already stocking up on firewood, oven-ready rats, and postal votes for the Conservative Party.

Neither faction has any idea about what is going on. Remainers are too busy saying what they don’t want, and won’t agree how remainy they want to be. Meanwhile the pro-Brexit vote is likely to be ambushed by Nigel “Wrecking Ball” Farage.

It is likely to be the balance of power will be held by crossbenchers. And some of them are very cross indeed.

“I’m not just cross, I’m extremely miffed!” exclaimed independent MP Jack O’Vorltrades. “How dare these irresponsible idiots trash the country for profit! I got so angry, I almost signed an online petition!”

He won’t let power go to his head. “If we win, I’m putting myself forward as a potential Prime Minister,” declared O’Vorltrades. “So long as nobody else wants to do it. It’s exciting, I’ve never mastered anything yet. This could be my big chance!”

Chaos, muddling through and the status quo. Whatever you want.

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