WE’RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER : The latest Chancellor of the Exchequer, Sajid Javid, has taken to his feet in the House of Commons today to announce sweeping changes to the way the public coffers are filled, and then emptied.
“The magic money tree is dead,” Mr Javid began his address, “so we have to seek coin in different pockets. Put our hands in different pockets. Pluck the green shoots of a newer harvest. To this end we are seeking the involuntary support of the generation that will most fully enjoy the benefits of Brexit.”
He then talked about sunlit uplands for a while, going so far as to describe how he pictured arriving at them on a double decker bus of the spirit, before…
“There will be unicorns. Children love unicorns. They get them as gifts all the time. But do they ever pay for them? Little scroungers. Well, no more I say! No more bad parenting ruining the chances of poor children! We can not, we, the caring conservatives, and hoodie huggers, no matter how hard we slash the public services! No matter how many youth centres we close! We can not do this alone. The children of Britain must stand up and put their hands in their pockets. We are all in this together! Some of more than others. We have all chosen our destiny.”
He then called himself The Saj for ten minutes, as if it in somehow made him relevant, before returning to the tax on kids.
“Tighten your belts children! Pull up your braces! Be prepared for a means tested tax on your pocket money. Do your part for Mother England.”
The means testing will mean only children earning under £1,000 per annum in pocket money will pay, at a rate of no less…
“And no more than 75%.”
Sounds fair.
“Trust the Saj! And pay your way for Brexit. It’s your future we’re paving.”