Child Prodigy : Boris Johnson to go to EU, lie on floor and scream until they give him what he wants

HE’S A GENIUS AND HE’S SO YOUNG : The staid, meddling EU27 won’t know where to look when the latest wheeze from 10 Downing Street lands at their feet.

Extrapolating from an imagined leak from the watertight bunker that is the heart of this government we are able to get the jump on even the Boris fanzine ‘The Torygraph’ and reveal exclusive details of the winner takes all wheeze.

“He’s going to go there and have a tantrum,” our Brussels correspondent guesses, “he’s going to throw himself at the feet of Angela Merkel and Michel Barnier and scream.”

Whether or not crossing his arms and stamping his feet with precede the action on the floor isn’t entirely clear, but we’d suggest he’s already doing that.

“It’s going to be so embarrassing for the undemocratic, unelected EU27 heads of state that they’ll do anything to make it stop, no matter what the longer term cost.”

It’s certain that treating the lack of trust by the EU in 10 Downing Street like an unwanted bowl of sprouts will leave them so red faced they just cave in.

“Forget all the booooooring legal stuff the Rebel Alliance is trying. Lying on the floor and screaming till the Irish backstop is taken away and replaced with a smuggler’s charter is the way to succeed.”

But an EU27 source close to the council had this to say,

“No one is really sure what Boris Johnson wants, but we know what he needs, a damn good spanking.”

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