Government denies there’s any No Deal Brexit plan so they don’t have to release Yellowhammer documents

BELLOWSPAMMER : The government, such as it is, of the United Kingdom is expected to release a fresh Brexit denial today after a storm engulfed the secrecy surrounding the enigma of its No Deal Brexit plans.

“There’s no plan and there’s no enigma and so there’s no mystery and no secret sauce,” a source inside Downing Street told LCD Views, “we definitely haven’t been stockpiling bodybags or planning for the army to takeover local councils. There’s no plan for No Deal. Nada. Zilch. And if I admit we had even jotted anything down, even back in the Halcyon days of David Davis, then Dominic Cummings will visit me in the night and drain my lifeblood with a homemade IV device. So there’s no documents. There’s no plan. Please. Can I just go now? I’m so scared. I’m so tired.”

The denial will do much to allay concerns that the government knows it is creating a bonfire of sanity and pretty much catastroshafting the UK back into a feudal age.

“The Commons wasted its time last night,” a recently knighted idiot commented, “as if this government is capable of planning for a scenario so multi-faceted? Spare me. Although it’s okay. The tax dodgers, currency speculators and disaster capitalists Brexit is designed to enrich are still seeing a payoff. So it’s not an emergency, yet.”

Whether or not the parliamentarians pushing for release of the documents will be satisfied with the denials remains to be seen.

“It may have been a mistake for Dominic and Boris to make enemies of dozens of extremely powerful, skilled, wealthy and influential people in their attempt to bulldozer through their hard right revolution. But we will just have to wait and see. If there’s no government plan the government can only hope the people they’ve enormously pissed off haven’t been planning either.”

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