BY THIS TIME NEXT YEAR WE’LL ALL BE MILLIONAIRES : A unconfirmed, and presumably totally spurious, leak from a Downing Street ‘Source’ has revealed the unreliable news that Prime Minister Boris Johnson is the winner of the amazeballs £170m Euromillions jackpot.
“It’s classic Dom,” a fifty shades of multi-dimensional chess expert said, “throw everything at a strategy that is clearly bonkers and see if you can limit your losses.”
But the win does at least turn the corner for Mr Johnson who has gained a reputation as a loser since seizing office.
How he will spend his new found riches isn’t certain, nor how he funded the mass ticket purchase to begin with. There is no suggestion that any hedge funds were involved, as they wouldn’t throw money away like that.
“He’ll presumably give the money to the NHS,” our analyst muses, “after billing them for the £350m it cost to win the £170m. It makes perfect sense. He is on the campaign trail daily after all. He’s clearly not doing anything related to governance. And anyone in a NHS hospital grinning for his campaign videos surely has to be paid?”
It’s possible of course that he may use some of the windfall to fund his legal defence, should the London authorities decide to go after him for the perfectly enterprising relationship he had with a pole dancer, cum tech entrepeneur.
“It’s a good taste of what will come with Brexit,” our analyst blue skied, “spend masses to claw back a percentage? As long as it’s not your money you’re throwing away then it’s easy to imagine what you’re doing is acceptable.”
Jackpot means jackpot and with Boris Johnson gaming the Brexit contest the wins are certain to keep coming thick and fast, just not necessarily for him, or us, or anyone.