Donald Trump demands his impeachment trial takes place in Russia

FAIR HEARING : World Leader Donald Trump has drawn a Kremlin red line today regarding his impending impeachment.

Taking to Twitter to start his day, as is standard, be he in the Oval Office on the potty, a golf course or making a catastrophic strategic and humanitarian blunder by effectively freeing ISIS and green lighting the slaughter of civilians in Syria, it always involves Twitter.

Initially he tweeted about historical matters regarding the Salem Witch trials, and the associated merchandising opportunities, but he soon got personal.

“Russia! I will stand trial in Russia. If Im Peach and Mint think they can prove I comitteed o fences they have to do it in a neutered court. I want a fare heading. President Putin will ensure I get a good trial. Just the greatest trial. And best of all, it won’t be by fire. That way everyone will stay SAFE.”

But critics have expressed alarm at the demand.

“If he’s found guilty he won’t be happy, even in Russia,” LCD Views’ Whitehouse correspondent said, “the prison terms there tend to be very harsh and confiscating of personal wealth is standard. Also, he’s getting on, I’m not sure he’s up to hard labour in a Siberian prison camp? Surely it would be better that he’s tried at home? He may even be able to cut a plea deal and protect those he cares about most?”

Others however say it’s best he is tried in the home territory of his alleged backers, as they have better access to any information that maybe relevant to the prosecution. Also, there’s no loss of personal wealth to worry about as his money is allegedly not his own anyway.

POOTUS himself seemed to find a silver lining in the building drama though.

“The RATINGS WILL BE ASSTROONOMICAL. Just the greatest TV of ALL TIME. Better TV ratings even than SALE M! USA! USA! OJ and other fruit juices have nothing on me. And they’res NO GlOve to where! MAGA!”

At least he’s right about that. Regardless of where his impeachment trial takes place, the ratings are going to be massive.

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