Get Nursery Rhymes Done : OUTGOING prime minister Boris Johnson has pledged to restore his reputation as a father today by taking steps to memorise popular nursery rhymes. And he’s prepared to put your money behind the pledge.
Speaking at a controlled explosion in Cheshire, the Tory hopeful spoke of the urgent need to extend early learning through adulthood.
“For too long the absent fathers of this great nation have been held back by a failure to know the lyrics to popular nursery rhymes,” The serial shagger asserted, waved his arms about distractedly, checked his phone to see if any hot totty had messaged him, and then went on,
“Humpty Dumpty! Little Red Riding Hood! The Teddy Bears Picnic! American Psycho! Why Nations Fail by Daron Acemoglu & James A. Robinson especially, the words of these great works, they should be learned by heart. They need to be understood. Or one risks coming over a right prat at prearranged visits to nurseries. Not nurseries where your own children attend, clearly not that.”
He went on to pledge additional spending to his end. Much more than he is alleged to have spent to get his end away with a certain technology consultant.
“I myself, when confronted by a blonde sprog who looks vaguely familiar have reached for the classics!” Mr Johnson enthused, “Theseus and the Wool Shop! Persephone and the unwanted child! I will now learn ‘The Wheels on the Bus’ by heart. Britain deserves better! My next government will spend £100m on a bus based campaign to ensure no child is left gazing up at the face of the man who won’t acknowledge him, or her, and find that classic sperm donor wanting for a popular rhyme.”
As to any actual plans for governance, or addressing the deep crisis ten years of government based on milking the state dry has caused, he offered little but more empty phrases.
“Seize the tits of Britannia and ferry the milk, every drop, away from the open mouth of the hungry infants. Store it all in the fridges of the tax havens. Milk the motherland dry! How did I get in here? Who are you? Was this one of Dom’s ideas?”
He left soon after, reportedly pursued by a blonde haired infant, arms raised, and a questioning look on their face.
Five or six children deserve better. Britain deserves better.
Boris got that right at least.
The lies on the bus go round and round.