Government pledges to recruit 50,000,000,001 new NHS nurses using inter-dimensional portal

IF YOU BELIEVE THEM YOUR SECOND LOBOTOMY IS FREE : The conning Con GE con filled general election campaign moved up a gear today as the conning Cons decided to involve the NHS.

“Nurses! Nurses! Nurses! Come and get your nurses here!” Little Matty Hancock dutifully cried, “we’ve nurses galore! You’ve never seen so many nurses. Pick any colour you like, as long as it’s white!”

For the event Little Matty was dressed in striped tights, a second hand ringmaster’s coat tails and a broken top hat. And boy was he brimming with enthusiasm. The big boys had chosen him as their latest useful idiot and he was making the most of it.

But he wasn’t alone. Nicky Morgan, one of the more confused Tory MPs, so busy turning in circles she never knows these days if she’s coming or going. She was on TV!

She was facing the heat over where the government was going to get 50,000,000,001 new nurses from, given they’d dedicated the last 9 years to getting rid of them.

“It’s perfectly reasonable,” Mrs Morgan beamed, “we’ve discovered an inter-dimensional portal to a parallel universe that’s only populated by unemployed nurses. The brainiacs at Con HQ have discovered a Nursiverse! We will just kidnap, lure, trap or otherwise con the 500,000,000,001 fully trained, NHS oven ready nurses into our dimension.”

While it’s been acknowledged for some time that Boris Johnson’s government had built on May’s work building a portal to a Lieverse, the discovery of the Nursiverse is sure to go down well with the electorate.

“But I must confess,” Morgan added, “the one at the end is a stretch target. But the 500,000,000,000 is guaranteed.”

This is clearly great news for anyone concerned about the future of the NHS if the conning Cons con their way back into government following the December 12th GE.

“And what’s even more exciting,” Morgan completed, “we’re now searching for the Tradeverse. I expect an exciting announcement about the discovery of endless oven ready FTA’s soon.”

This all isn’t so much as oven ready but over baked. I don’t know about you but I suspect someone has been cooking up porkies.

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