The Tories can’t govern, that’s why I’m blaming Labour, admits Priti Patel

Priti “SuperSmirk” Patel has blamed Labour for the London Bridge terrorist attack. Essentially her argument is that Labour passed a law in 2008 and her government has spent the last 9 years failing to amend it.

The emperor is proudly wearing his brand-new outfit, and pointing out that Jeremy Corbyn has an incriminating stain on his y-fronts.

It’s the Tory modus operandi this season. No policies (beyond Get It Over And Done With For Goodness Sake). No attempt to justify their comedy manifesto. Just slag off Labour and hope that nobody notices.

But terrorist legislation is part of Patel’s remit as Home Secretary. Does she seriously want us to believe that Labour left such a mountain of problems that she and her predecessors are still sorting through it, nine years later? What on earth can they have been thinking of? Theresa May had plenty of time to create a hostile environment and demonise British citizens of Caribbean descent, but clearly no time to update policy on detaining terrorists.

It’s not even Patel’s first attempt to demonstrate her own incompetence. The government is not to blame for poverty, she said, it’s local authorities. Nine years of austerity, including massive and repeated spending cuts for local authorities, have obviously had no effect on poverty. Neither has the introduction of the completely useless and totally mismanaged Universal Credit.

“You are taking my words out of context,” said Patel, smirking broadly, when we tracked her down on an unofficial mission to Israel, rumour has it, to bring home some antisemitism to plant on Jeremy Corbyn. “My job is to make sure the public know that whatever the issue, Labour is to blame. We have spent the last nine years on ideological onanism, and can’t let reality prevent the climax yet again, or we will never Get It Done!”

So if the government won’t govern, who will? “Putin,” replied Patel. “Don’t quote me on that, but if some nice man offers you massive sums of money so he can do your job for you, you would be stupid to refuse. It’s win-win. Cheque please!”

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