MIRACLE WORKERS NOT NEEDED TO MAKE A SUCCESS OF BREXIT : Good news is here today and not just with Jacob Rees-mogg esq pretending to be a Christian on Twitter.
“That bearded weirdo who knows how to keep a wine bar in the black won’t be getting into Brexitannia,” a Home Office spokesman told LCD Views, while touring a lumber yard looking for some stout lengths, “the points based immigration system has seen to that.”
The bearded weirdo in question appears to be none other than Jesus Christ, recently returned to Earth after escaping reincarnation as a piece of toast.
“They thought they could sneak the dogooding, bleeding heart, meddling snowflake into the country by rebirthing him as a piece of toast,” the Home Office spokesman’s went on, “but we were onto that. There won’t be anyone walking on water in Tory Britain.”
And the benefits of keeping the liberal anti-predatory capitalist, fifth columnist subversive out will be felt all through the national health service.
“Not only would he definitely be a remoaner, what with all that peace on Earth and concern over the life/work balance of zero hours contracts,” the spokesman added, “but his flagrant disregard for the levels of money we’re pretending to invest in the health service will frankly endanger the entire privatise by stealth, business model,
“It’s not much use letting far right, US neoliberal billionaire funded ‘think tanks’ promote the demolition of the free at the point of use health model, so we can privatise and raid the private asset wealth of ageing home owners, if some bloody hippy is just going to come along and heal everyone with a touch. And for free too! What the hell is that? And don’t get me started on the damage he’d do to the booming food bank sector with a few fish and a loaf? He’d basically render our entirely manifesto pointless.”