WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND AND KEEPS ON GOING : IAIN DUNCAN SMITH, aka Irritable Duncan Syndrome, is said to be furious today after his knighthood was downgraded to an MBE.
An MBE is of course a worthy gong for anyone, especially someone who has done so much to punish people for being poor. But you don’t get to call yourself ‘Sir’ and there’s little point getting measured at the tailors for a pair of chainmail pantyhose if receiving one.
“It’s not Iain’s fault,” an insider in the Irritable household told LCD Views, “it’s a scandal. Iain has done more than most to make people born into much less fortunate circumstances than himself feel worthless. While entitlement and privilege, a life of succour on the public purse too, make Iain feel great. He really earned this honour. He’s going to appeal.”
The reason for the sanctioning of the gong appears to be Iain being just a couple of minutes late to his knighting. He can appeal the decision, but it will take many weeks and there’s rumours that the appeal process will be undertaken by a third party contractor incentivised to reduce the number of knighthoods, regardless of circumstances.
“They’re also making him wait five weeks for the MBE!” the insider added, “just because of a clerical error in his paperwork that he isn’t responsible for. What sort of a monster would design a system so inhumane, so bereft of holistic thinking, so incentivised to punish and browbeat? He may as well be on Universal Credit, that’s how pernicious and punitive this feels.”
We hope Iain is successful in his appeal. What use is an MBE to him when he’s already a member of the British Empire, 1.0 and 2.0.
Nothing will do more to encourage the poor to choose to be born into better circumstances than a man getting knighted whose only perceivable virtue appears to be accident of birth. And this after devising a scheme that has seen millions of less well born individuals suffer.
In other news, the honours system itself has been declared fit for work by ATOS, in spite of clearly being anything but…