GET WAR DONE : Boris Johnson is reported to be absolutely livid with his boss Donald Trump. The anger occurred after hearing the news of Trump’s lethal drone strike against a very busy Iranian general few had heard of, until Trump ordered him blown up.
“It was good enough for Clinton to blow something up during impeachment proceedings, it’s good enough for Trump,” a Downing Street ‘source’ told LCD Views,
“the choice of target is obvious. Clinton was allegedly only trying to deflect attention away from a blowjob, so he went small in scale, if not in unintentional impact. Trump is trying to distract from an accusation of criminality on a massive scale. He went really big. Potentially WW3 big. Which is something we can all be thankful for. Imagine if America had decided having a racist, sex offending sociopath, clearly off his fucking rocker, as president was just a bad idea, and had gotten rid of him by now?”
We can imagine.
“We’re completely baffled though why Trump didn’t tell us he was going to do it? I thought we were bigly friends? Just the greatest friends. You’ve never seen friends so bigly,” the source added,
“and let me tell you folks, the UK under Johnson is really important to Donald Trump. He must have been too busy at the time. It’s the only reason I can think of for him not telling us first. We’re so close. Real bosom buddies,
“and given the way his attack puts the lives of hundreds of British personnel in danger, there’s no way he wouldn’t tell us first without a good reason. Because it’s not like he doesn’t give a shit and we’re daft to be cutting ourselves adrift from the EU and allying ourselves closely with a cheeto faced buffoon who will happily use us as sacrificial pawns as his insane regime crumbles into murderous insanity.”
But the air of confusion over the attack is rumoured to extend to the Foreign Office too.
Foreign Secretary, Dominic ‘the navigator’ Raab, is said to be completely flummoxed. He’s only just realised ‘Iran’ is more than a way to describe moving between two geographically different locations at speed, and on foot.”
But how will Mr Johnson react to the attack, its ramifications for British personnel and interests in the Middle East?
“He’s going to hide in a fridge,” the source shrugged, “standard protocol for a bully sensing danger. He’s advising British interests in the Middle East to do the same. Get hiding in a walk in done. There’s no situation which a game of hide and seek won’t solve. And he’s taking both Mustique and that other girl Carrie? They’re going to hide with him. He’ll find a way to pass the time until the mushroom clouds blow over.”