GROUND TO ZERO : THE BRITISH PUBLIC is taking a deep breath today after confirmation from a reliable Downing Street ‘source’ that Boris Johnson’s people have agreed his 2020 holiday schedule.
“It’s a result of high level discussions between the UK and USA governments,” the source misinforms, “Mr Johnson was a bit flabbergasted to be midway through an expensive island holiday when Drumpf only went and blew up that Iranian guy. He didn’t even talk to Boris about it first. Pretty extraordinary stuff.”
It’s believed the discussions focused on how to avoid a similar PR disaster for 10 Downing Street next time.
“It’s bloody obvious people are going to need to be blown up all through 2020,” the source continues, “it’s not just the need to deflect attention away from Trump’s impeachment trial, but he needs to get re-elected if the moral voids fronting for sociopathic business in the House of Reps acquit him. He needs a lot of explosions that he will definitely look back on. Real man or not.”
From Downing Street’s point of view it is preferable that Mr Johnson isn’t midway through a holiday when the drones strike.
“It’s a messy PR situation,” the source grimaced, “if he was at the start of the holiday everyone could see it’s only fair that Mr Johnson be allowed to complete it. I mean he’s only just got there with his damn fine filly. You can hardly expect them to turn right back around and come home. But midway through? Will travel insurance even cover the cost? I mean, Trump has declared himself God. So it’s an act of God, right? Some might even suggest Boris and Carrie should enjoy the rest of their weekend and get on a plane, after all they’ve been away for weeks. So best to get schedules aligned.”
But others have suggested that as Trump is going to be trigger happy all year that Mr Johnson should holiday in Florida. More specifically at Mar-a-Lago, as it’s likely a responsible statesman like Trump will give the orders to blow people up while golfing.