The UK has finally broken free of its alleged enslavement. But without a plan or a map of the Road From Brexit, 40 years wandering in the wilderness lies ahead.
The Chosen People have followed the directions of the LORD, guided by His holy writings in the Daily Mail. The LORD appointed a gloriously useless leader to guide them through the desert.
“Boris will guide us to the Promised Land!” thundered the headline. Nobody knows where the Promised Land is, or even whether it exists. It is a mythical land of milk, honey, sunlit uplands, and unicorns frolicking with mermaids in the treetops.
Even now, some of The People are beginning to question the wisdom of leaving. “We were better off before, we had food, money, and homes,” they remoan. “Why did we ever Believe in Better?” But there is no going back. The great prophet Jacob predicted that prosperity will return in a mere 40 years. Meanwhile The People must live in tents, live hand to mouth and relish their freedom and sovereignty.
“There is only one thing to do!” exclaimed Boris. “I’m going to disappear for a while and get instructions from the LORD!”
Innocent bystanders might have been forgiven for thinking that he was intoxicated, as Boris was later discovered talking to a burning bush.
Boris returned to The People, carrying stones engraved with instructions. A bit like Ed Miliband’s Labour promise stone.
These promises include “Honour thyself above all others”, “Thou shalt bear false witness”, and “Committing adultery is OK by me”.
But, lo! The People, doubting their glorious leader, had pooled their resources and created a golden bust of Nigel Farage to worship.
“Yeah, whatever, he can take the blame,” shrugged Boris. “In fact, let’s just stay here, Turkey, Macedonia and Egypt will be desperate to do a trade deal with a bunch of stragglers camping in the desert!”
Don’t complain. You voted for this!