Boris Johnson reportedly panic selling his shares in British Exceptionalism

DANCING SICKNESS : RUMOURS ARE ALWAYS SWIRLING ABOUT THE MALADMINISTRATION of Britain’s own Colonel Kurtz and his deputy de Privates piffle Johnson, but never more so than now as the world’s stock markets continue in free fall.

Here at global publishing powerhouse, LCD Views, we’re always happy to add to the blatant fake news, under the confident assumption that the nonsense we make up today will be tomorrow’s headlines.

“It’s reported that Boris Johnson is panic selling and short positioning his own personal stock of British Exceptionalism,” our financial whiz kid rumourmongers, we suspect in an attempt to game the market.

The imagined sell off is said to be on the back of Mr Johnson going so long in BE since he began his mad dash towards Downing Street in early 2016, that he’s now longer in the rapidly devaluing paper than his own lying nose.

“He’s still investing heavily in BE with the public purse,” our financial Guru continues, “but that’s just a cover for the moment he triggers the mass sell off. About the time the weird discrepancy in the reported Covid-19 cases in the UK is explained by an expected torrent of cases breaking across the country’s hospitals.”

We don’t advise you to take investment advice from a gutter rag like ourselves.

We do advise you that if you hear a client journalist of the crazed and isolationist regime in Downing Street explain away the catastrophic error in early Coronavirus modelling with the ridiculous line “the science has changed”, you should know that the Domocalypse is Now and it’s time to self isolate.

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