IT’S THE INALIENABLE RIGHT OF BRITISH MEN WITH MISTRESSES TO HAVE A BEACH HOLIDAY : Downing Street is ramping up the pressure on the Greek government today to fulfil Downing Street’s breezy assurance of ‘air bridges’ for summer holidays.
This comes after no less than the Greek tourism minister poured cold water on the idea. Some quibble about UK Covid-19 levels. But that isn’t stopping the UK government. Listening to what foreign chaps say is something we haven’t done since the 16th century.
“The Greeks, they can have the Elgin Marbles back,” a source inside 10 Downing Street told LCD Views, “the British Museum will just have to suck it up. It’s a question of priorities. And they can have the flipping Pantheon back too. And the Lighthouse of Pharos. Sod it. Throw in Alexander the Great’s marble cricket bat. The entire UK catalogue of Nana Mouskouri vinyl, if that’s what it takes. Basically, whatever they like. But. We. Must. Have. That. Air. Bridge. Mr. Johnson. Must. Holiday.”
But while the offers to the Greek administration are ramping up, it seems the scope of the British government ambition is distinctly ramping down. At least in terms of who gets a summer holiday.
“Look, we’re just asking for a beach holiday for Boris Johnson, plus one.”
This has led to speculation about who the plus one maybe?
“That’s flipping obvious,” the source informed, rather testily, “It won’t be Carrie or his estranged wife or any of the mothers of his numerous children. It’ll be Dom. Those two are inseparable. And for any wags tempted to say Boris has lost his marbles, you just look at his handling of Covid-19.”
As for who will pay for Mr Johnson+1 to go on holiday, the answer to that remains a mystery buried on the island of Mustique.